Don’t speak if you can’t say something absurd
Exaggerate and create contrast with one syllable words
Ignore the naysayers and take advantage of chumps
And be a legend in your own mind, just like Donald Trump
Make sure that you headline the news every day
It doesn’t matter if you have nothing to say
Just talk about your own greatness and you’ll never be stumped
And you could be a celebrity just like Donald Trump
Pledge to bring back times when everything was great
Promise it right now so no one has to wait
Don’t pretend to be happy, always grouse like a grump
And you’ll be on your way to being just like Donald Trump
Insult all the people that you have never liked
Call them all names in preemptive strikes
Then whine like a brat when you’re down in a slump
If you want to be successful just like Donald Trump
Let other people’s anger and pure hatred be
The subjects you speak about most frequently
Don’t view it as false, you’re just priming the pump
Just think what you’ve learned from The Real Donald Trump
Don’t complete sentences, that’s one stupid rule
Don’t be afraid to sound like a fool
Be willing to send Muslims and Mexicans to the dump
You’ll be cheered by the people who admire Donald Trump
Brag about your skills and your smarts and your dick
When you lose, complain about your adversary’s tricks
Let women know when you think they’re too plump
And you can be as popular as, well, Donald Trump
You’ve got to be willing to build lots of walls
Figurative and literal, you must build them all
You must become a perpetual name-calling pump
If you want to be respected like mister Donald Trump
Resort to Twitter when you want to insult
Don’t feel constrained to act like an adult
It may at first be hard, but you’ll get over the hump
And people will be saying, you are like Donald Trump
Tweeting is more important than anything else
In fact, it’s the best way to express yourself
Much better than speeches from the campaign stump
Unless all the cameras are on Donald Trump
Shameless self-promotion is the name of the game
It must be over the top or it’s gonna seem lame
Humility is for simple folk, like Forest Gump
But not if you’re important, like The Donald Trump
Bombast, braggadocio, and personal attacks
These are the compass points to keep you on track
Stay on message and your opponents will just see your rump
This is the way of The Real Donald Trump
Make sure people know you’re not being controlled
One way to prove this is by being a troll
People aren’t individuals, just group them in clumps
That’s the way you do things if you’re Donald Trump
It keeps things simpler if you know what I mean
That way you won’t ever be caught in between
Wear red ties and cufflinks, never look like a frump
This is the way, to look like a Trump
Always be ready to threaten to sue
Everyone who isn’t agreeing with you
And if you’re going to be Trumpish, pound your desk with a thump
And tell people they’re fired, just like Donald Trump
Say only what you think the chumps want to hear
Be bold and brash and don’t show any fear
You can’t be afraid of making the jump
And to think I learned all this from The Real Donald Trump
