poetry for big kids - 08-21-2021 - by steve rigell - http://poetryforbigkids.com/the-hardest-thing-yet

The hardest thing yet

This has got to be the hardest thing yet
In fact, it may be as hard as it gets
I’ve spent my whole life trying to be 
Something someone else once wanted for me

I have been letting other people I know
Decide how I should act and where I should go
Avoiding conflict and trying to please
It’s like a terrible terminal chronic disease

And now that I’ve finally figured this out
I’m assailed by uncertainty and set-upon by doubt
Because I have never learned how to be me
When I look in the mirror I don’t know who I see

I don’t know what I want or what I should do
I keep hoping that I will find my guru
But I don’t want to start that process again
I’ll be far better off if I just pretend

To know what I’m doing till I figure it out
I feel like crying but I really want to shout
I know I need help but I don’t want to ask
Because I don’t want to be fitted for another mask

I know I must figure this out on my own
But the thought of it makes me tired in my bones
Because I have no idea at all where to start
The only thing I feel now is an ache in my heart

There’s so much stuff that I just don’t know
I’ll just have to make it up as I go
And even though I have no idea where I’m going
I’m grateful I didn’t die without ever knowing

Photo by NIKITA SHIROKOV via Unsplash


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